X-From-Line: nobody Sat Jun 27 10:20:37 1998 Newsgroups: uk.people.gothic Subject: Bisexuality (WAS re a whole bunch of stuff) References: <87ogvoe5ka.fsf@zotz.demon.co.uk><358bbe19.13733838@news.demon.co.uk> <358E0BE1.1FB42513@onlinemagic.com><01bd9e09$99393780$364e08c3@default> <358FD47B.8C034613@onlinemagic.com> <01bd9ec9$87297c60$ad4b08c3@default> <358FE475.E6F6775F@onlinemagic.com> <01bda070$38bf89e0$db4d08c3@default> <898859645.21566.0.nnrp-02.c3ad724f@news.demon.co.uk> From: Paul Crowley Date: 27 Jun 1998 10:20:37 +0100 Message-ID: <87g1gr8al6.fsf_-_@hedonism.demon.co.uk> X-Newsreader: Gnus v5.2.25/XEmacs 19.14 Lines: 57 Xref: hedonism.demon.co.uk misc-news:514 X-Gnus-Article-Number: 514 Sat Jun 27 10:20:37 1998 "Why do you feel the need to go around telling people you're bisexual? I don't go around telling people I'm straight." Well, no, it would be like telling people it's not your birthday. You might tell people you're straight if you met them at Pride, or at Bicon, but under most circumstances most people will assume you're straight unless you tell them otherwise. There's no symmetry here, and no analogy. Maybe if you're hetero and you usually go to Pride and otherwise hang out with a mostly queer scene you might have some limited experience of having to tell people that your sexuality is not what they assumed it was, but if you do then you'll probably have a good idea of how limited that similarity is. "Why should it matter to me what you do in bed?" Bisexuality isn't just about what you do in bed. It should be, but it isn't. It's a break in a chain of assumptions that the people you organise your life with are the people you fall in love with, and the people you fall in love with are the people you want to have sex with, and the people you want to have sex with are the other sex to you. I'd like to see the chain break at every link, but it's a long explanation to give to someone you've just met at a goth club. At the very least, though, I'd like to feel free to talk about partners of both genders to such people without them thinking I'm "shoving my sexuality down their throat" (they wish!) - should I have to actually pretend to be straight in order not to disturb the normal flow of conversation? The other think that makes it more than what we do in bed is the straightforward bigotry we sometimes face. Am I allowed to mention the job I had to leave because the management wanted to fire me for being a "pervert"? (they didn't know one quarter of the half of it!) How about the people who disguise parts of their lives for the benefit of their parents, may they talk about that? You may protest that all of these things would be in context; it's my experience that people retell stories in which people came out to them as though it was out of context even when the person they were talking to would have had a hard time *not* mentioning their sexuality at that point in the conversation without being downright misleading. The people who really do mention it out of context tend to be the people who are newly out, and frankly, all power to them. Most people who haven't had to do it underestimate the work and mental hassle they've had to do before being able to tell random people in clubs about their sexuality, and the simple fact of their success is one of the most important things in their lives to them at that point. It won't kill you to let them exercise it without slagging them off behind their backs from the comfort of a mainstream accepted sexuality. -- __ \/ o\ paul@hedonism.demon.co.uk Edinburgh fetish club Permission \ / /\__/ Paul Crowley July 12 http://www.hedonism.demon.co.uk/permission /~\